Writing in Circles

The tears are gone,  I am not really sure why.  They used to come so quickly before.  I don't understand why they have left.  Have I changed?  I can't tell if I like it.  When the tears were here I never felt more alive.  I never felt more different.  I love different.  I hope; I pray that this does not mean I am like everyone else.  I hate everyone else.  What now sets me apart?  Do I have to be set apart?  Yes I do! Is this the final thing that I must give up?  Has my quest for originality become the motive behind all of my actions?  Everything points to an answer of yes.  But is that so bad?  I want to be different is that wrong?  I don't know.  I think that it might be.  I think it is wrong because I want to be different for my own selfish reasons.  I want people to look at me and scratch their heads.  I want when I die for people to cry.  Not Because they are sad, but because they don't know what to say.  The confusion inside them of not knowing how to describe me, I want it to drive them to tears.  I want it to manifest an emotion inside of them that they have never felt and can not explain.  I want them to feel like what it's like to be me for just a little bit.  Now we are back to tears.  Its ironic that tears are what I have defined myself as.  Now that they are gone I feel undefined.  That is a horrible feeling.  So horrible it might make me cry.  Instead I am just laughing .  Sometimes I feel like life is walking in circles.  Circles of selfishness.  That is all I am and all everyone will ever be.  The silver lining, EVERYONE is selfish.  How very unoriginal.  Now I'm crying.  Because once again I am back to the Life Of Vanity.