A Fire Within

I fear my own being is going to be my undoing.  That witch is inside of me is going to cause my own destruction.  It is like a fire that burns within my heart, and if it is not controlled it will consume me.  There in lies my paradox.  Should I learn to control that which is inside of me, or should I give in and perish in the flames that threaten me.  Some days I want desperately to control it, and others I just want to be consumed.  I have found a way to temporarily numb the spread of this fire.  Laughter, friends, games, work, they all distract me from....me.  But like a fool returns to his folly, I return to myself.  The fire rages up inside me more rapid and deadlier then before.  I have awakened a sleeping giant within my soul.  I fear I do not have what it takes to slay this giant.  

Where can I run?   Where can I hide from myself?  Every corner I turn the giant is there.  Every mirror I stare into my greatest enemy stares right back.  Does anyone else experience this?  Is there anyone out there that feels like  I do?  Or am I alone?  I don't think I'll ever really know.  The main emotion manifested by war against oneself is solitary.  Isn't that the point?  

You have no peace with yourself.  Is that not the very definition of being alone?  I know that everyone feels alone.  I don't know what this emotion is.  I have no words for it.  I am not lonely because no one is with me.  I do not mind that kind of aloneness at all.  I feel alone because I am not with me.  How is that possible? Beyond some mental disease I don't believe it is possible to explain not being with yourself.  

Perhaps I am so ..........no that makes no sense.  Perhaps I am loosing my mind.  Perhaps the fire has spread a little further then I have thought. 

 I wish the fire weren't so cold.