Necessity of Goodbye

The word penetrated my brain like the pencil the Joker carried around.  It is the word no one wants to hear and everyone has said.  "Goodbye".  What a powerful word.  It is definite yet ambiguous at the same time.  A paradox that penetrates deeply.  Cuts quickly and far to often.  I have realized that this word must be spoken in order to say "Hello".  God calls us to him.  Us alone.  We can not bring our baggage, our relationships.  The door is just big enough for one! A lone person with open arms.  Nothing else to distract.  It is only after we say "Goodbye" to everything and everyone else that we can say "Hello" to God.  the "baggage" that we carry is not necessarily bad.  it is most often something very good.  We are called to be mirrors of Christ.  We can not bare his reflection until we are wiped clean of everything else.  Most often times a blemish on our mirror is caused by something good.  Do not be afraid to say "Goodbye", "Hello" will quickly follow. 

learning to stand

The wind it blows me over. Having my face in the dirt is far too familiar.  Show me how to stand.  Share with me the blankets your wrapped in.  It feels impossible.  What secrets do you believe in that keep you standing? Is there a hint of doubt behind those eyes?

I don't think I am capable. What is it that makes you invincible?

Under the stars I feel so small.  How is it you stand so tall? Are you impervious to weakness? Can you teach it? Is it a process? The world is at your fingertips, the world is on my back.  What magic do you posses? What inhibitions do you lack?

 

I don't think I am capable. What is it that makes you invincible?

Fear is my pillow, Darkness is my blanket.  Not a moment passes where I am not shaken.  How do you fly? Why do I fall? Why do I cry? how can you laugh at it all?  How quickly you leave me, and how slow you are to return.  Must I be comfortable on my knees? Is it something I have to learn? 

I don't think I am capable. What makes you invincible?

Please give me your hand.

Help me to stand.

The Stranger in the Mirror

The masks that hide us all: How long will the lies last? How many masks will we keep on the shelf? When will it stop? I have come to the conclusion that one will not truly know themselves until they surrender their masks. We have a different mask for every occasion. A mask for school. A mask for friends. A mask for church. A mask for parents. A mask for God. We wear these masks around every fickle relationship that we have created. It becomes so natural that over time we forget what we truly look like. How vain is it to lie to yourself! We stare at the mirror as we look into the eyes of a stranger. The reflection is so ambiguous it is as if a blind man were granted sight and he was starring at himself for the first time. The face that is underneath has become dormant. Solomon, in all his wisdom, at the end of his life stared at himself and screamed who am I?! Does it take death to finally become alive? Is love only tangible once breath has escaped our body? Or will we learn to strip ourselves of all that hides us, and finally become who we really are. Eleanor Rigby died with her mask on. Her mask lies lifeless in her grave. No one was saved. She was never alive. She never took off her mask. Will you strip your masks away? Or will they suffocate you to your grave?

A Sinners Cry

I just needed a long shower. Sometimes....most times, it takes me a while to get all the dirt off. As I lay naked before God he sees me for everything that I am, and I am exposed. For some reason throughout the week I feel as if my clothes cover me and my sin. They hide my heart from everyone. I don't feel exposed until I get into the shower to try and clean myself of myself. Lord you have broken me and I am on my knees. Please, take my world apart. Take the things I hide from you. Take the things I hide from me. Did you really have to die for ME? I am not worth dying for. Take my world apart! I need you. I am broken on my knees. Take my world apart!............please

Cats Cradle

As I have been struggling through this stage of life where everyone asks you that one question. The question that you have had to have an answer for since you were five years old. It has probably changed sense then but still you knew what the answer was. It is the question "What are you going to do when you grow up." Every decision that one makes has this question on the fringe of their decision making process. How will this affect what I want to be? When pondering this question I received some advice from my father that I think is the wisest piece of advice I had received on the issue. He said, "Son, it is not a question of what are you going to do, but a question of who are you going to be. If who you are aligns with God then it will not matter what you do, because that will in turn fall in place." As my father walked away I wish I had the stomach to tell him what I really felt. I wish I could have told him, that when I grow up, I want to be like my Father.

2 Corinthians 4:18

TO THE WORLD:

We have never officially been introduced which is why saying goodbye should be easy. For someone who is so tangible you hide yourself well behind money and freedom. Two things I have been conditioned to love I hate with all my heart. No longer will you hold me in your grasp of sensuality. If I had one wish I would damn your existence. I curse the day you fell. For with it was signed the inevitable fate of so many by the blood coursing through their veins. The very life you promise you take away. Like a leash on a dog so is the worlds hold on man. As man wonders aimlessly from colorful attractions and smells you have place in his path. I am cutting the leash. I will no longer be persuaded by your charm. I want nothing to do with you, you king of charlatans. You mock wisdom and scoff at the discerning. Foolishness is a punch-line to you. An anecdote of old that is told to make man believe they are wiser then they are. Better off is an infant without a mother then a man with the world. I have found someone else to lead, someone else to follow. I am a child and I go to him. A humble leader on a bloody tree, has stolen my heart, HE HAS ALL OF ME!

Women

It is funny sometimes how easily the future is seen by men. Yet with eyes wide open he walks into her snare. A beauty that captivates a man. As if to sedate him with a powerful drug. No other substance or being has the power to make a grown man act like a child, a smart man do stupid things, a strong man feel so weak, a poor man feel so wealthy, or a helpless man have hope. Men have fought wars over her. Countless friendships ruined by her. All just for the chance to sit with her, gaze at her, touch her. Men turn to animals to impress her. Like a pack of gorillas they beat their chest's and grunt aloud to capture her gaze. A woman's kiss is more poisoness then the most potent venom. It is a poison that can take not your body, but your soul. I realize how futile this message is. Not that it falls on deaf ears, but that it falls on hopeless hearts. Despite the danger of this species she is something man can not be complete without. This is not a letter of hate, contempt, or warning. This is a letter of love. Despite how many snares have caught a mans foot he will continue willingly walking into them until one sticks. Oh the power of a woman!

Love letter

I saw you today, it was probably just the same to you. For me, it was new. I saw you in a new light. My eyes moved across your face painstakingly. Stopping to examine every crease, every color. So that when I close my eyes I will still see you. It is evident to me that when God breathed life into you he smiled. A smile that meant....this one...this one is perfect. When I watched you from a distance I dreamed about the future. Wondering if you would ever look at me the way I now look at you. Will my smile make you smile? Will my tears make you cry? Will my silence make you think? In my dreams the answer is yes to all of these. If I were to play God I would make sure that we would serendipitously fall together in a way that would be impossible for you to ignore. I would be charming and you would want to be charmed. I would listen and you would need to speak. The sound of my voice would calm your heart. The touch of my hand would make you feel beautiful. Time will tell if my feelings will be shared, or if they will be as vain as the ink on this paper

Fate

Sometimes I laugh, often times I cry. Sometimes I wonder what it is like to die. When it is the end will I know the difference, or will it be just the same. Will I feel peace or will I feal pain. It's funny how when at the end one looks at the begining. Knowing now that one step to the right or left could have changed the ending. I guess I am not really sure what to do. If life were so easy I would see it through and through. The truth is I am tired of life and all of this. Ingnorence has left me and so has my bliss. When one is left with nothing there are only two things one can do. Give up, or fight back to the top. The choice is up to me and to you. As far as how I'll handle it I don't really know. Me personally I am ready to go. If things were that easy then I would already be gone with my head to the sky. Without any reason or signs of goodbye. What an interesting delima life creates, as for me right now I will put my money on fate.

Fate had left me to the whirlwind of chance. An ongoing struggle a never ending dance. Recent events have opened my eyes to a whole new way to live my life. Instead of the roll of the dice or flip of a coin. A new F word of faith is what I've joined. Its a much better feeling to know he holds every grain of sand. In his almighty powerful hand. Kiss the world goodbye, turn my back on it all. No longer do I choose to close my eyes and just fall. I now put my life in the hands that matter most. The gentle, loving hands of the Holy Ghost.