When Good Becomes Bad

To my fellow Christian,

In the recent days my mind has been pondering the calling of those who have been saved by Christ. If this not apply to you I warn that proceeding will most certainly result in confusion, yet I find it [confusion] an underrated state of being. The purpose of our lives, which are not our own, is quite simple. Yet in our humanistic way we have turned that which is simple into very complex. I think mostly in part to multiple divisions of subgroups which are mostly governed by their own set of idealistic views. From this we have spawned many secs of religions. I do not have the knowledge nor the time to argue any of these divisions. I do however wish to "get back to basics" if you will and define that which I believe is so simple. Also to give a warning to my brother and sister on what I believe to be one of our greatest threats.

The base line foundation of what a follower of Christ's calling should be is to reflect the image of Christ as if we are a mirror; to those unsaved and saved around us. When we were dead in ourselves, in our transgressions, the image we portrayed was dark and filthy. The blood of Christ washed the filth to reveal a beautiful mirror. Often times the things that are most beautiful lie under the greatest amount of filth.

I now wish to warn you of the greatest threat to that reflection. You must be aware of anything that will spot that reflection. The culprit of the tarnished reflection is almost always something good. Beware the warning signs. Beware the successful life. Beware the hurried lifestyle. Beware the pursuit of "happiness". Beware the long awaited relationship, job, clothes, position. Beware the entertainment. Beware habits. If what you reflect does not mirror Christ get out the Windex and a rag, get on your knees, and scrub. Always be checking your mirror for possible stains. If you do find a stain, never have a grip on that good thing to tight to not be able to let go.

Autumn Leaves

Upon the breeze, the autumn leaves
Are carried thither, yon:
They rest at last, upon the grass
One moment...then they're gone.
They're tossed about and in and out
They fly across the way;
And up and down, they sail around-
The wind they must obey.

Now, if you please, the autumn leaves
Are much like most of us;
We're tossed about by fear and doubt
And things we rare discuss.
This need not be, for you and me-
There is a surer way;
The solid Rock, will bear the shock
No matter what the fray.

He who believes is not like leaves
That drift with every wind,
His faith is fixed, in God unmixed
With doubts that Satan sends.
He walks with God, while earth he trods
He's led by pow'r divine;
When life is through, beyond the blue
He'll dwell in lands sublime.

-Carl C. Williams, Sr.

Before the curtain falls

I write to you with the utmost importance. To you the reader of my words, the consumer of my thoughts. To you who have been given a peep hole into my mind. I write to you now. I appeal to you, do not take my words lightly. If nothing I have said before resonates let this be it. If one page is dogeared fold this one down. It is the most important thing I will ever be able to share.

My writings have all come from a very deep quiet part of me. As often many writers do they assume different characters. These characters may often have opposing views to that of the human that flicks their pen to create them. I believe there is beauty in that. In the process of interpretation of the true meaning by the reader. Almost like a play where the final act is taken place in the vehicles of the audience on the way home. The curtain is not let down until those watching the performance have performed the act of interpretation. I now give you this. A one act play that has no hidden meaning. Zero fine print, and houses 100% of the authors heart and devotion. This is my greatest piece of work and simplest truth.

We are all damned and have earned the right of eternal judgement in a very fiery eternal grave. Do not fear, for I have found the one and only truth that will exclude you from such a fate. It is not a brilliant revelation or of original thought. Yet as simple as it has been made it seems to be unacceptable in our minds. If we must pay a price for our evil, and that price is our lives, the only thing possible to pay that price is with a life. I have found the one man that can give his life in order to save yours and mine. A man who had no evil inside of him. A man so holey he shines like the sun. The son of the one and only true God. A man who's name is Jesus the Christ and has saved me from me.

He is perfect and without evil. His struggle while on earth is inexplicable. It is to Him that I am eternally grateful. It is to Him and for Him why I write. It is because of Him I am alive. For He rescued me while I was dead and breathed new life into me. In my writings you may be able to point to a blind man, a sick man, a sceptical man. These are all scenes from a play I have lived out. Scenes that end with the blind having sight, the ill becoming whole, and the sceptic with unwavering belief. All of these characters are without a doubt me. However when the curtain falls and the final act begins the characters go back stage, wash the masks off of their faces, fall on their knees, and pray to God He will lead the audience to the right conclusion.

Audience I am now giving you the final act. There is no car ride discussion needed for this play. Merely acceptance of a gift that is freely given to all. Acceptance of Christ that finally gives you what I know you have been searching for.

The breath of life breathed into your dead lungs.

"He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God."

If today were forever

If today were forever I would play the piano.
Every key pressed with purpose and meaning.
Never landing out of turn or out of place.

If today were forever I would walk until my knees hurt.
Through the grass and fallen leaves.
Underneath the trees until lost felt like home.

If today were forever I would sing a song.
A slow song, maybe a little sad and a little happy.
A song that said 'I love you" but never said the words.

If today were forever I would steel a kiss.
A kiss that was neither short nor long.
A kiss that belongs in the movies, and then I would run away.

If today were forever I would sit by the ocean at sun set.
I would smoke a pipe,
And let my mind try to contemplate the beauty.

If today were forever I would laugh and I would cry.
I would yell and I would whisper. I would build and tear down.
I would wake and I would sleep.

Let today be today,
And let tomorrow be forever

Perfect Love Casts Out All Fear

For some time the words I have written have been interpreted, by the few that have read them, as bitterness. I have recently gone over the pros of my youth and I see that interpretation is correct. For reasons that I wish to be discreet about my view towards women has been that of disdain. I wish now to change that pattern in my writings for it has without a doubt changed in my mind. I do however want to make one point before I continue. While I do believe my previous views were wrong I do not regret the path that has brought me to my present state. However misguided I was God spared me from many snares and falls in a very fragile time of my life.
In order to disprove something I must initially clarify that which I am now arguing against. Not so many years ago I openly loathed women. They were the butt of my jokes and they were the organism of which I blamed all of my problems. For that I must now pause and apologize. I am truly sorry. I believed women to be seductive, lying, fake, dumb, and the most cruel of creatures. While women can be all of these things they are not subject strictly to women nor do I have any right to judge or generalize for I too have been all of these things. At the time I did not see myself for who I really was...the lowest of the low, the most sinful of sinners. When you live in darkness there is no light cast onto you to show who you really are. One of the most distinctive characteristics of someone who is living in darkness (sin) is how quick they are to judge others. If we see ourselves for who we really are no offense against us will seem great, for it will be overshadowed by the light that shows our multitude of sins.
As my paper is limited, my sins are many, and I see no benefit in visiting my past sins, you will have to take my word that darkness was the path I chose for a while. My dislike towards women was fueled by sin, however it was not the primary source of my disdain. I will reveal what was but with the preface that it is of extreme difficulty for 3 reasons. The first is that it scrapes at some wounds that lay deep and despite the scars that cover them I still feel some sensation of pain. Secondly because I have rarely been this open and honest about this subject. Lastly because it shows one of my greatest weaknesses and fears. My greatest reason for my hatred towards women was because of the power a woman seemed to have over me when I let them come close. I know you may be thinking this is no new thing or secret. Let me explain further what I mean by this.
When I was very young I gave my heart to a woman. By no ones fault but my own. This young girl and I dated for 6 years. Six years that I see now as extremely pivotal in my life. For reasons I will not indulge in detail I chose to end this relationship. The pain that I felt from the tearing apart was something I can not begin to describe. However this pain is still not the reason I hated women. The reason I hated women and kept them at an arms distance for so long was because I hated myself for what I did to her. The immense pain that I caused her made me hurt inside to the point of not eating for weeks. The promises I broke, and the lies I told all destroyed who I was inside. I still remember the day as if it were a nightmare that continues to visit me. I remember what she wore, I remember the words that were yelled, I remember the things that were thrown, and worst of all I can still picture the face that starred back at me. That day took such a toll on my life that I subconsciously decided to hate every woman that came my way with some sort of interest in me. I never wanted to hurt someone the way that I did her ever again.
This defense has evolved since then to take different shapes. Now at 23 and many losses in love I know now what it means and how to love someone. To truly love someone is to sacrifice. To give up what is closest to you for the other person because you LOVE them. For me, ultimately in a weird way, that means to let go of my fear and get close enough to hurt someone again.
So to those who were worried my bitterness had corrupted me beyond repair I pray this convinces you otherwise. I have been more honest about me with these words then I ever have before. With that I also hope you use this knowledge not for an arrow in a quiver with my name on it, but for maybe a better understanding of yourself. What kind of a man would I be if I held a secret or parable that could help my fellow man to myself for fear he may use it against me? A coward. I have been a coward for to long. I have been afraid far to many years. For perfect love casts out all fear.

The Sad Man's Song

I lay quietly to hear my own voice
It has slowly faded to a whisper
I'm sorry I have no other choice
It has faded, I can barely remember

The sounds of silence pierce my ears
A mother cries without understanding
A Lover's love for a thousand years
A haters hate that is so demanding

The clock ticks my life away
The future's coming, the past is going
I gaze at Sundown another day
She has my heart without even knowing

A sinners blood flows through my veins
Hell is full and she's waiting for me
Before she takes me I try in vain
To give back the fruit I stole from the tree


Knowledge of Good and Evil, is bad
The lone man stood amongst the crowd, so sad

From Heaven to hell the blind now see
A man that never fell now hung on the Tree

Never Never Land

Not much good happens so deep into the night, but I made a promise. I made a promise to a friend that I would write more. That I would try to make more sense of thoughts and musings and try to place them into words. Not a small task for my small brain but I believe the promise had something to do with a pinkie. From what I hear that is the most prestigious of promises, something that I do not wish to ever breach.

Despite the fact that it goes against my better judgement (which I was surprised to know I had any) to talk about that which is on my mind tonight I am going to do so any way. One thing that I seem to have always had in excess is an imagination. Something that a man named Mr. Rodgers told me was the greatest thing in the world and it could take me anywhere. You could call it naivety but I believed 100 percent a man who's first name I swear to this day is Mr. I also to this day still believe the man the same 100 percent as I did long or not so long ago. Although now the theology that has been instilled in me from the man named Mr has been proceeded by that of a street on sesame, a station for imagining, and most of all a never never land.

It is the never land that I wish to indulge further. It is a place that I visit often even in the extended years of my so called youth. I only feel like I look young. Which is part of the reason why my never never land knows my face so well. It is a place like none other. Where the young edify the old , and in turn the old turn young. I guess as you get older you forget how to ride a bike, play a superhero, run fast, and just do nothing without the worry of what you should be doing.

I know that upon writing this I have without a doubt caused some to react with thoughts of certain insanity. For those who so apply I have but only two rebuttals. If you think me insane for traveling to never land although you may be right I find you unbelievably dull and your tedious life bores me. Secondly if sanity is reached by never visiting the one place that has never changed since my youth then I am A O K with being insane.